


The Halfmoon Shows a Face of Plaintive Sweetness

by AllieCat



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex isn't a mess for once, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Hamilton Gift Exchange 2k16, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Modern Setting, Soul identifying marks, Soulmate AU, aaron is a mess, vague lunar theories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 01:37:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8691439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllieCat/pseuds/AllieCat
Summary: Aaron is anxious and somehow manages to convince himself that Alexander has been faking his soul-mark the whole time they've been together. It's up to Alexander to soothe him, to bring him back down and show him that he's genuine. Angst ensues.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [draconequus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/draconequus/gifts).



> The half moon shows a face of plaintive sweetness  
> Ready and poised to wax or wane;  
> A fire of pale desire in incompleteness,  
> Tending to pleasure or to pain.

The guest room bed was hard, and cold, and there was a fine layer of dust on top of the covers, settled after months and months of disuse, and it made Aaron want to sneeze. He flipped the pillow over, shoved one hand underneath it into the cool space there, and then pressed his face into it and taking a long, deep breath in.  He had relegated himself there, Alex was still in the living room working on something, typing away furiously at his laptop, the keys clicking and the bright screen illuminating his features. Aaron had tried to get his attention a few times over the course of the night, but it just hadn’t happened, so he’d pretty much given up. The idea of laying in their bed alone for a third night in a row had been too much to face, and so there he was, in the room that almost never got used, alone as ever.  Nothing had changed, it seemed. 

 

He closed his eyes, breathing in again, in and out, in and out. He kept telling himself that, kept trying to empty his mind of everything that was keeping him awake, but he couldn’t block it all out. His fingers traced lines over the soul mark on his arm, right below the three creases in his wrists. It was small, but not unnoticable, a waxing crescent moon about the size of a quarter, and then a date. After meeting Alex, the date made sense,  January 11, 1990 was his now boyfriend’s birth date. When he'd held Alexander’s for the first time, he’d found a waning moon with his own birthday inscribed next to it, and the same smattering of freckle-like stars surrounding it. It’d been luck (some would say fate) that they’d even met, and now, in the bed alone, anxious and paranoid, aaron wondered if it had all been some elaborate set up, the universe and the only man he'd ever loved paying a joke on him. 

 

The more Aaron though about it, the more sense it made. He just couldn’t stop thinking, it went around, and around in his head, beating against the walls of his skull like a pinball machine. Alexander was lying to him, he’d been lying the entire time, Aaron was sure of it.  

 

They weren’t soulmates, they couldn’t be. _He didn’t deserve someone like Alex._

 

Squeezing his eyes shut tighter, trying to ignore the _clickclickclick_ of Alexander typing from the other room, but it seemed deafening, and he couldn’t ignore it, couldn’t block it out. 

 

And then it stopped, and Aaron was relieved. 

It lasted all of about five mintues, and then the text came. 

 

 

**Alex: where the heck are you? [2:20am]**

**Alex: Aaron? [2:23am]**

 

He listened to doors opening and closing throughout the small apartment, and he knew he was mere moments away from being found out. 

 

**Alex: Babe, are you in the guest room?? [2:27am]**

**Alex: what the hell is going on? [2:28]**

 

Aaron stayed silent, curling up tighter, clutching at the flat, uncomfortable pillow, listening as the mechanism in the doorknob sounded, and it creaked open. 

 

“Babe, you okay?” Alex’s concerned voice came from the other side of the room. He was standing in the doorway, Aaron could see his shadow stretching across the wall, the living room lights illuminating his silhouette. He didn’t turn over in the bed, instead chose to continue to ignore his partner’s presence, trying to shrink himself down until he was so small that he went unnoticed, until he was as small as he felt inside. 

 

“Sweetheart, what’s going on?” Alex said quietly, before crossing the span of the small room, so that he could sit on the edge of the bed. Aaron was curled up in the middle, clutching the pillow tightly. He’d seen his boyfriend get like this before, reserved and quiet, but not quite to this degree.  Honestly, Alex hadn’t seen a lot of him lately, work was kicking his ass and if he wasn’t at Starbucks, he was holed up with his laptop somewhere, trying to get his stuff done by the many deadlines that were hanging over his head. This was not what he’d expected to come home to, though. 

 

“Aaron, love.” He murmured, gently laying a hand down on his boyfriend’s back. He wasn’t prepared for the resulting flinch, and he pulled his hand away quickly, not wanting to upset him further. Sometimes he didn’t want to be touched, and Burr was always respectful of that, so he did his best to return the sentiment. “Can you talk to me, please?” He asked softly, but he was met with silence. He sat there for a little longer, watching as Aaron clutched the pillow tight. Alex realised after a few minutes that his 

boyfriend was crying, softly, almost imperceptible, but he was definitely crying.  “What’s going on, baby?” Alexander sighed, feeling rather defeated. 

 

There was silence for what felt like longest time, and then Aaron began speaking. The words that came out of his mouth were not something that Alexander could have begun to prepare himself for. As Aaron sat up, anger and fear spewing forth, tears streaming down his face and breath heaving in his chest. It was honestly like something out of a movie, seeing his usually so calm and collected soul mate like this.

 

“You’re not real, it’s not real, none of this is real!” Aaron all but screamed, wrapping his arms tightly around himself. He sobbed, tears dripping down onto the stale bedcovers. He knew he probably wasn’t making a lot of sense right now, so he tried to calm himself, tried to slow his breathing and get a handle on the way he couldn’t seem to stop crying long enough to get a coherent sentence out. There was silence for a while longer, as he slowed down, eventually managing to look up at Alexander, who looked terrified. 

 

“Aaron, please talk to me,” Alexander whispered, reaching out to take his partner’s hand, gently running his fingertips over the mark on his forearm. This was so unlike Aaron, it wasn’t that his boyfriend was unemotional or unfeeling, but this degree of suffering, this type of emotional outburst? It was unheard of. It was almost as if they’d just switched places, usually it was Alexander freaking the fuck out, and not the other way around.  
  
“Don’t-“ he stopped, trying to spit the words out, “don’t pretend you don’t know!” Aaron spat, words seeming to run into each other, coming out as one long stream of anger. “You- you’re not-“  
  
“I’m not what, Aaron? Tell me, tell me what the hell is going on.” Alexander said sharply, now confused and frustrated, on top of being worried. He inhaled, eyes closed in the dark room for a minute. “Babe, come on.” 

 

“You’re lying to me, aren’t you? You’re not my soulmate, we’re not soulmates, we aren’t we can’t be!” The older man finally, still crying, but softer, more resigned.                
  
“What?” Alex asked, genuinely confused, eyes narrowed at the other man. “Baby, you’re my soul mate, I love you. What could possibly make you think I was faking it?” Alex asked, a little hurt. He pushed his own sleeve up, holding his mark - a waning crescent moon, Aaron’s birthdate in the curved cut out, and surrounded a scattering of stars- up to Aaron’s.  It the matching mark to Aaron’s, his moon was reversed, they had the same constellation, their birthdates matched. Alex couldn't understand how _this_ was what had Aaron so upset.  

 

“They’re- you- _Alex,”_ Aaron looked at their wrists, the evidence was irrefutable, they matched exactly. Right down to the colour of the stars, their placement. The dates were correct, the moon was his exact opposite. Alex was his exact opposite. 

 

Aaron hung his head, crying into his hands and Alex was at a complete loss. “Baby, I love you. I would never lie to you, not like that,” he said quietly, edging a little closer. Aaron didn’t back away, so he kept moving in further until they were sitting shoulder to shoulder against the headboard. He tangled his fingers through Aaron’s, their soul marks pressing against each other. “I love you, I promise.” 

 

Aaron said nothing, just pressed himself close to his boyfriend, allowing himself a few shameful moments to sob like it was the only thing he knew how to do, not caring anymore, he just needed to cry. As always, Alexander’s arms wrapped around him. He didn’t deserve to be treated so kindly after what he’d just put Alexander through, but he couldn’t help but be selfish in that moment, burrowing into Alex’s long unwashed shirt, staying there for what felt like hours, until he stopped crying. 

 

There was more silence, and then Alexander was moving, gently helping Aaron out of the guest bed, holding him close as he guided him down the hall to their bedroom. He tucked Aaron into their bed, the right bed, and crawled in beside him, flicking off the lamp after a few seconds. “I’m so sorry,” a small voice sounded from beside him, hoarse, and sad.  
  
“You’re okay Aaron,” Alex returned automatically, pulling the man close, nuzzling his collarbone, kissing his neck softly. “I love you, you just need to tell me when you start feeling like this. Don’t let yourself get wound up, don’t let the anxiety fester. Even if it’s not me, Aaron. Talk to someone.” He whispered,  tugging the covers (these ones dust free, and clean) over the both of them, making sure Aaron would be warm enough as they settled down to sleep.  Alex could practically turn the cogs and gears turning in Aaron’s head, but it didn’t matter, they were okay, and Alex was going to make sure this didn’t happen again, at least not anytime soon. 

“I love you, please believe me?” The tiny voice was back again, just as Alex was drifting off, his eyes heavy and his mind further away than it should have been to deal with a conversation like this.  
  
“I love you too, I believe you. It’s going to be alright, love. We’re going to be okay, we’ll talk to your therapist tomorrow and get you, get us back on track. “ Alexander rambled sleepily, stroking his fingers through Aaron’s short, dense hair that was only about a quarter of an inch long. 

 

“Goodnight,” Aaron whispered, pressing a kiss to Alex’s chest, where his head was pillowed, his soulmate (yes, his. They were soulmates, there was no more questioning it) had his arm wrapped around his back and for the first time in weeks he finally felt somewhat better.   
  
By the time Alex was about to respond, it became clear to him that his boyfriend had fallen asleep, finally. It’d been almost three days since Alex himself had gotten any sleep, and so it wasn’t particularly difficult to follow his partner into the unknown. Tomorrow would be better. He wasn’t sure if they’d talk about it more, but it would be better, Alex would make sure of it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not good at soulmate Au's, so I'm sorry if this wasn't heavy enough on the soulmate thing, I just wanted to write you something good!


End file.
